Calvin, Winton and Audrey

I think this is pretty self explanatory... things can be hard but very, very good.

The joy of failure

Today I was revived by a plunge into Philippians...

I would not trade the times of strain, weakness and failure. Without them I would never know real joy.

When I fail, for whatever reason, I am reminded that I have nothing of myself to put my confidence in. I get a fresh view of the absence of my own goodness. My whole being is jolted into the reality that I have nothing to stand on before the Holy God. I have no righteousness of my own. My failures and weakness demolish any self-confidence I had for acceptance with God.

If I didn't fail, I would be confident in the wrong things. I would be coming to God on my own terms, confident in my own strength. I would feel secure and comfortable for a while, but God would not welcome me. If I am not welcomed by God, then I can never know enduring joy.

These days I am feeling my weakness and failure. Today, in the thick of those feelings, I was reading Philippians 3:1-16. Nestled in that passage are these (joy reviving) words,

^"7But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— ¹⁰ that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."

Paul's old reasons for assuming he would be acceptable to God were much more impressive than any I would ever pretend to have. Paul counts all these impressive things as rubbish and loss when compared to:

• "the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (v.8)
• being found "in Christ"
  
• being dressed completely in Jesus' righteousness, not anything of his own (v.9)
• the righteousness of Jesus, given to him by God, through faith (v.9)
• knowing Jesus Christ and his resurrection power as he suffers (v.10)
  
• sharing in Jesus' sufferings and becoming like Jesus in his death (v.10)
• sharing in the resurrection of Jesus on the other side of death (v.11)

When I fail, I see myself and my life for what it is. That on its own is grounds for despair. This is the realisation we all spend most of our time distracting ourselves from. We want to feel strong, successful, worthy and good. We hate weakness and failure because it threatens to shatter our illusion.

The gospel of Jesus teaches me that running from weakness is running from real life and joy. It is only in seeing our own failure that we are driven to trust Jesus. In trusting Jesus, God gives us Jesus' righteousness. We are welcomed by God as if we had never failed and only ever succeeded in pleasing him. That is joy. That joy is secure, full and lasting because it is not at all tied to our performance, but to Jesus. Compared to this, everything is rubbish. This reminder made me laugh with relief.

"¹²Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. "

So, forgetting past confidences and past failures, we press on in Christ. May God keep using weakness and failure to help us treasure Jesus and lose the rubbish. May he use failure to keep growing us into deeper joy.

Nourished even when I don't feel it

One of those "preaching to myself" posts...

I want to stop reading the Bible and praying when I don't feel like it is "working". I am tired. When I am tired I get sad. Then everything stops working. Not a complaint, just a fact. I am in the small, slow world of a newborn. This is the place where I need to remind myself of these truths.

When I open the Bible, the words won't take away my tiredness. They are not going to zap me full of patience toward my older children. They are not going to get the next nappy changed. Spending time in God's word and prayer doesn't meet any of the needs that I am feeling most urgently at the moment. It will be a little while before I feel normal again and if I wait until I feel like reading the Bible, my soul will be starved and shriveled. If I wait, the joy problem will run deeper than temporary tiredness.

What I really need most is not always what I feel I need. All because I can't feel the Bible "working" doesn't mean that it isn't. All because I am not feeling refreshed and energised by my time with God doesn't mean he is not using these times to strengthen and train me. It is so easy to become a selfish consumer, running to God when I feel it is achieving something, but giving up when joy is hard to come by.

God is doing good things in my weakness, even though it doesn't feel good. The exhaustion, the feelings of helplessness, the overwhelming number of tasks to balance and people to love are all part of his loving design to move me toward maturity in Jesus. The LORD is my shepherd, I have everything I need.

Growing with a newborn posts

For easier access, here are the links to the posts from the "Growing with a newborn" series, in the order they are meant to be read:

Preparing to grow with a newborn

The small, slow world of a newborn

Growing with a newborn: Bible and prayer strategy

Logistics of Growing with a newborn

The goal of growing with a newborn

More on growing with a newborn

Small children and big truths from Psalms

With the birth of Calvin, it seemed like a good week to be reading Psalm 139 with my children.

The way our "routines" are currently structured, I am reading with Audrey while Steve reads with Winton. This means my Psalm 139 reading has mostly been with her. It has been brief but good, allowing me to have special "Mummy & Audrey Bible time" which I hope will continue for years to come. It is also another way I can feed on a fragment of God's word in these newborn days.

We have been reading just a few lines at a time, slowly creeping forward through the psalm a bit more each night, repeating the territory we have covered on previous nights. I have been reading out a few lines, like:

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar." (vv.1-2)

Then we have been picking out a couple of ideas and paraphrasing them, like:

"God knows when I sit down"

"God knows when I stand up"

"God knows what I am thinking"

Accompanied with enthusiastic actions of course!

As we work through the whole psalm, Audrey and I will be gathering little phrases and actions that we can repeat throughout the day. These little phrases shape our view of God and our place in his world. It is a psalm that makes some abstract realities (like God's omniscience and omnipresence) very concrete and personal - exactly what I need to help my 2 year old learn about God.

Maybe you want to join us in Psalm 139, seeing how many big truths about God you can spot?

Welcoming Calvin

As my littlest boy sleeps on my lap I will brief you on some of the action of the past few days.

Friday: Told to plan to be at the hospital for induction from 7-7:30am. All 15 delivery rooms were full. Grateful to have a room after lunchtime. The same room Audrey was born in.

Membranes artificially ruptured to induce labour 2pm. Active labour from 2:15pm. Straight in the shower. Out of the shower with a new baby just before 4pm. It was no ordinary shower, but I shan't blog about all the details! My midwife and my husband were very obliging to cram into the small space to "catch" Calvin. Glad I had packed spare clothes for Steve - the shower didn't get turned off for a while!

Stayed a couple of nights in hospital until Winton and Audrey were over the worst of their sickness. Was so glad for them to finally meet Calvin yesterday when they came to pick me up (although the event itself was pretty chaotic!). It has been lovely to be home all together since. We have been enjoying introducing Calvin to many special people. There are still many left to meet.

A picture of things "as they were" last night, after my arrival home. Embracing the chaos.

Winton has recovered from the fact that Calvin is not a girl called "Jamesy" (his name idea, in honour of his special friend James who has moved away). Initially, Calvin's arrival was a "little bit great", a "little bit exciting" and he was "a little bit glad". Now, Winton is less moderate and is regularly gushing about how cute Calvin is. The day after Calvin was born Winton told Steve that he wished we had called him Calvin when he was born.

Audrey's new favourite line is "My hold it? My cuddle baby Calwin?". She has suddenly become very maternal. She is full of suggestions whenever Calvin is crying, "Baby Calwin need your milk? Baby need my milk? Baby need cuddle?".

Steve has been working very, very hard keeping all of us going. I am so grateful. God's generosity to me through Steve is vast.

The usual fatigue is setting in as more time elapses since I have had solid sleep - not a complaint, just a fact. I am finding that there are small opportunities to read my Bible or listen to a psalm (it was a great way to block out the sound of other people snoring in hospital!). I am finding I am not really in the "mood", but it is happening. I'm sure I will write a little about how I am going with all that some time.

Calvin resting with me this morning.

For now, I am off to have a cuddle with my husband and a snooze before the next feed...

Psalm 48: Who, What, Where?

Calvin and I were reading Psalm 48 together over a hospital tray breakfast yesterday morning (later this morning we will enjoy breakfast at home, where we are very glad to be!).

Psalm 48 is full of familiar pictures that might be insignificant to us. I found it helped me to try and "see" the drama of the Psalm 48 scene. What groups of people are mentioned in the psalm (who)? Where is the psalm "happening"? How is that place described? What happens there? How do various people feel about that place?

Let me say that verse 6 felt rather real a few days ago.

There is still plenty of mystery in this psalm, but this could be a starting place for thinking about it.

Psalm Sunday: Psalm 48

1Great is the LORD and greatly to be praised
in the city of our God!
His holy mountain, ² beautiful in elevation,
is the joy of all the earth,
Mount Zion, in the far north,
the city of the great King.
³Within her citadels God has made himself known as a fortress.

⁴For behold, the kings assembled;
they came on together.
⁵As soon as they saw it, they were astounded;
they were in panic; they took to flight.
⁶ Trembling took hold of them there,
anguish as of a woman in labor.
⁷By the east wind you shattered
the ships of Tarshish.
⁸As we have heard, so have we seen
in the city of the LORD of hosts,
in the city of our God,
which God will establish forever.
Selah

⁹We have thought on your steadfast love, O God,
in the midst of your temple.
¹⁰As your name, O God,
so your praise reaches to the ends of the earth.
Your right hand is filled with righteousness.
¹¹Let Mount Zion be glad!
Let the daughters of Judah rejoice
because of your judgments!

¹²Walk about Zion, go around her,
number her towers,
¹³consider well her ramparts,
go through her citadels,
that you may tell the next generation
¹⁴that this is God,
our God forever and ever.
He will guide us forever.

Meet baby...

This is Calvin Andrew born 17th July at 4pm weighing in at 4kg (8lbs 13oz) measuring 54.5cm. Mummy feels tired and relieved. Daddy feels tired and thankful. Winton feels a "little bit excited" (he might be more excited if it were a little sister!). Audrey feels sleepy. Calvin seems to feel like his big sister! May God show the greatness of Jesus in Calvin's life.

Off to have a baby today

Plans have been made for us to meet our baby today. It is special to meet someone who is going to be one of the most significant people in your life, but who is in many ways still a stranger.

Don't panic if it takes a while for Steve to get onto my blog to make an announcement - he will be very busy! And for many of you, rest assured you won't have to wait for a blog post to find out!

Soft, sad, little Jesus (Ps 47)

Psalm 47 feels like an irrelevant cliche.

Rejoice. Praise the Lord. God is King. The Old Testament forerunner to "Jesus is Lord". The sort of thing exuberant Christians say mindlessly. Easy to say, but somewhat disconnected from the real world. What does it mean anyway?

I grew up with the idea that Jesus' lordship is about me. I invite Jesus to be Lord of my heart. As if he wouldn't be if I didn't let him. As if he is only Lord when people give him permission to be. What a little lord.

Or maybe Jesus is a "theoretical" Lord as he sits by and watches Satan ransack the world, wondering what will happen next. Maybe Jesus will be Lord one day, but until then, he doesn't really do anything (except when I let him "in the castle of my heart"!).

What a soft, sad, little Jesus. The sort of lord who has soft, scared and embarrassed followers. Followers who would rather sheepishly suggest that people "come and hear how Jesus is relevant to your life", or "how Jesus can fix you" than talk about his lordship. I am one of those people.

How much of our personal and public evangelism proclaims a king who is to be feared (vv.1-2)? One who is actually alive now? A king who really does rule over everything supremely - now. A king who deserves to be adored and esteemed over everything that exists (v.2, 9). A king who owns everything and everyone (vv.2, 7-9). A king who is so good that his people clap and sing and rejoice and praise and shout and are supremely happy to belong to him (vv.1, 5-7). A king who is in charge and who does what he wants. A king who loves and fights for his people (vv.3-4). A king who the nations flock to (v.9). A strong, victorious, unrivalled and satisfied king.

If you read about the message of Jesus spreading after his death and resurrection, (in the book of Acts), it is very much a gospel about a living king who really rules. The urgent call of the gospel is not "come and see how Jesus is relevant to your life", but, "Jesus who you killed is alive. He is coming again to judge. Repent and pin your trust on him so you will be saved from that approaching judgement." (eg. Acts 2:14-41) Rather untrendy, offensive sermons really.

You will find it in the book of Revelation too*. Revelation shows the real king Jesus ruling over every second of history. He is the lamb who was slain to take away the sins of his people. This lamb is also the lion, the triumphant, terrifying king who will judge the nations and bring the violent horror of this world to a just end. That is the sort of king to be feared, to be listened to and to be rejoiced in, Psalm 47 style. Having a good king who actually does rule (even if mysteriously) is something to be very, very happy about. It is something to talk about without apology or embarrassment. It is the very good reality.

*I highly recommend "Apocalypse Now and Then: Reading Revelation Today" by Paul Barnett as a great book to help you read and understand the whole book of Revelation, along with "Gospel and Revelation" by Graeme Goldsworthy. Both are easy to read and so, so useful. Essential resources.

Baby update (again)

We are still waiting for our baby. Labour will be induced at the end of the week unless things kick in before then. God is always good and loving and merciful, even when he isn't giving us what we want, when we want it. Father, help me not be a sulking, grumbling child.

While we wait, I am looking forward to finishing the Snugglepot and Cuddlepie adventures with Winton. Then Winton is reading Dangerous Journey (again) with his daddy. Special times. Audrey is spending a lot of her time wandering around with her notebook and pen anouncing, "Look! My write my name!". Frequent (and long) hospital appointments mean I am missing the children a lot. Winton is very keen to be present and helpful for the birth (thanks to Hello Baby). He keeps giving Steve and I instructions for what we will need to do when the baby is coming. One of these reenactments happened in a busy corridor of the John Hunter Hospital. Very helpful.

Anyway, there may or may not be a post on Psalm 47 soon. I have been reading it over and listening to it and writing out my thoughts (while waiting for appointments etc!). We'll see if any of them make it into sentences!

Psalm Sunday: Psalm 47

¹ Clap your hands, all peoples!
Shout to God with loud songs of joy!
²For the LORD, the Most High, is to be feared,
a great king over all the earth.
³He subdued peoples under us,
and nations under our feet.
⁴He chose our heritage for us,
the pride of Jacob whom he loves.
Selah

⁵God has gone up with a shout,
the LORD with the sound of a trumpet.
⁶Sing praises to God, sing praises!
Sing praises to our King, sing praises!
⁷For God is the King of all the earth;
sing praises with a psalm!

⁸God reigns over the nations;
God sits on his holy throne.
⁹ The princes of the peoples gather
as the people of the God of Abraham.
For the shields of the earth belong to God;
he is highly exalted!

If you wrote a psalm...

If you were to write a psalm starting with these words,

"Clap your hands all you peoples!

Shout to God with loud songs of joy!

For the LORD..."

What would you say next?

Still waiting

In brief:

-John Calvin was born 500 years ago today. If I had spent any time on the computer in the last few days I would have found some wonderful links for you, but I have been quite offline! When I said it would be fun for our baby to share John Calvin's birthdate, I didn't actually think we would still be waiting on the 10th! My longest pregnancy so far.

-To state the obvious, our baby has not yet had a birthday.

-Although stretching patience, it has been a lovely week. I have been able to have my husband around a lot more in the day times than usual. We keep having wonderful dates, pics are from a walk near Newcastle foreshore yesterday (walking through contractions that didn't "go anywhere").

I have finished my John Owen book and God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit!) shines brighter to me for having read it (Thanks for the recommendation Jean!).

-The generosity of others has meant I have had some really great rest. Thankyou.

-I am hopping away now. My innards feel like they are going to drop out of me! Or at least I hope he or she will!

More on growing with a newborn

My friend Carolyn (who is married to our pastor, Roger and mothers four children) sent me an email which she said I could share. It is helpful to hear from other godly women (like my friend Helen, who commented here) who have had different experiences of "what works" the newborn stage.

It is encouraging to hear Carolyn's story and some fantastic tips that she found helped her. Carolyn also brings up the really important role of Christian husbands in encouraging wives. I am not writing about "the very important husband factor", because I think the men need to teach other men how to pastor their wives...but I am certainly glad to hear how Carolyn has been encouraged by Roger. Here are some of Carolyn's words,

"I have had a few reflections that I have written in response to your blog, not because I disagreed, but rather just remembered a few things I struggled with and found helpful:

I applaud all the intentions. I often think routines and forethought are at the heart of developing our relationships with God and eachother in the community of God's people.

Whilst I did try some of your suggestions I found the reality often divorced from my desires. This was not always the case. There were times I could have chosen to spend that 'snippet' of free time with Him; however, my sinful heart deceived me into thinking I'd be better revived in spirit away from Him - instead watching mindless TV for example.

Yet there were certainly other times when I found myself overwhelmed with the pressures and time constraints involved with a newborn and longed to be able to spend time reading God's word, reflecting on Him, and being taught by others; and yet simply was not able.

During the first 6 months I struggled both physically and emotionally. I never found breastfeeding easy, and had to always concerntrate hard how the baby was feeding and how relaxed I was to ensure they had a complete feed. I found that even when I was feeding I also had to be aware of the other children, speaking and guiding them. Setting up activities to occupy them as well as ensuring they were playing safely. I found that I couldn't listen to anything in those 'night feeds'. I found any stimulation, even anything other than a dim light on was all I could manage

It was in these times I had to 'practise' contentment in my season of life. Ironically I am grieved that the phase of having a newborn passed so quickly, despite the difficulties I experienced.

There were other strategies I developed, mostly through the loving guidance of my husband, and modelling myself on him.

1. We always tried to say Psalms with the kids. We memorised them and I 'act' them out to the kids in a lighthearted way so we enjoyed learning them. The kids still have their favourites and I like the challenge of remembering them!
2. I'd read the kids the real Bible at night (only short segments),as well as their kids Bibles, and talk about that all day together.
3. Roger would read the Bible to me in the evenings, particularly when I was really low on energy, and pray with me. I often felt I was living my christian life out vicarously through him, although he was 'washing me with the Word' in the process (Eph 5:26).
4. Sometimes I'd write out a verse on a piece of paper and carry it in my pocket/handbag all day, all week. I'd reach down and grab it, and read it again and again wherever I was to refocus my thoughts on Him. Sometimes I wrote out verse and put them on the kitchen sink or hung them in a plastic sleeve in the shower. Whatever I managed to memorise I'd pratice saying in prayers or conversations with the kids.
5. I had to learn to praise God. Something I think I am still learning. I would deliberately speak prayers out loud of thankfulness, of adoration and have times of singing. There are some wonderfully talented music writers, and I played them in the house, in the midst of what seemed like chaos, to speak the promises of God to myself. I also found a group who wrote music to Psalms, and other passages of scripture which i enjoyed singing to. Even though I wouldn't describe myself as a musically gifted person I found music a great release of emotions and a simple way to be refreshed by God, and to enjoy knowing Him.

These are just some musings, I am sure there were other helpful things that just reminded me of the great wonder and goodness of knowing our great God."

Thanks Carolyn! I will definitely be sticking some verses in the shower!

No baby yet

Just thought I would announce that I have not had a baby yet. Just to ease any curiosity that is generated through a lack of posting!!

I think I will pass the time trying to get "Communion with God" (John Owen) or "Jonathan Edwards: A New Biography" (Iain Murray) finished while I can. I am trying to see these waiting days (and nights) as an opportunity rather than a drag! Trying. Both books are a nourishing read.

Still thinking about Psalm 46. Might move onto Psalm 47 if anyone cares to join me.

Still and fearless in a frightening world (Ps 46)

The other night, Winton had a nightmare. Foreign soldiers were coming to Australia to kill people. As I listened to him, he asked "Mummy, how do soldiers know not to kill children?". I prefer the bad dreams about possums and wobbly bears.

The response I was tempted to give: "Soldiers aren't coming to Australia to kill people," and "soldiers don't kill children". Sadly, these things are not true all the time. I did give some explanations about why it is reasonable for him to not be afraid about those things happening to him now in Australia. But soldiers might come to Australia to kill people one day and sometimes soldiers kill children. It is tempting to create temporary comfort with a lie.

Our middle of the night comfort philosophy has been to remind Winton of what is "real and true". The central truth that we remind him of each time is that Jesus is Lord and king over everything, even the things he is scared of. That is a pretty tidy and safe truth for a lot of the bad dreams he has. Not this one. Jesus being Lord and king doesn't mean that children never get hurt. Jesus' lordship doesn't mean my boy will never be hurt. Sometimes what is "real and true" does not sound comforting.

I was glad I had been thinking about Psalm 46 that day. It acknowledges the terror of living in this world (which I needed to be truthful about with Winton). But is also says not to be afraid (which is what I need to help Winton learn).

The answer of Psalm 46 is not that these terrible things never happen. This psalm isn't a denial of reality which says "It isn't really all that bad". The chaotic imagery that the psalmist uses is meant to remind us of how terrifying the world can be (vv.2-3, 6).

But in the frightening world, God is the refuge (v.1, 4-5, 7, 11). He is stable and strong. The God who is our hiding place rules over every frightening disaster. Like Jo said in this comment,

"Because God is in complete control of the chaos in the world, we have nothing to be afraid of. The One who melts the earth with His voice is our refuge, strength and fortress and there is no one greater than Him. When we know that He is God, we have no reason at all to be fearful of anything, now or in the future."

When there are desolations, God brings them. But there will not always be trouble and chaos. He is ultimately at work to break the bow and shatter the sword (v.6, 8-9). He will bring peace. God has a place for his people to dwell with him which (unlike everything else in creation) can never be moved (vv.4-5). This means we do not fear.

God's people are told to "be still" in the middle of a writhing world (v.10). Our stillness shows confidence in the rule of God. Our stillness shows our sure hope of dwelling with God in his holy, glad city. Stillness shows we are settled and invested in God's grand purpose to exalt himself.

This reminded me of a few things from 1 Peter:

• Jesus has been given dominion and power over everything, even the unjust authorities we are called to submit to (1 Peter 3:21-22, 4:11).

• Having a quiet and gentle spirit, not fearing anything that is frightening, is exactly what is to adorn women who trust the Lord Jesus (1 Peter 3:3-6). Sounds like Psalm 46 to me.
  

• Our imperishable inheritance is waiting to be revealed and enjoyed when Jesus returns (1 Peter 1:3-9). Our inheritance is having God dwell with us in his holy city (Rev 22).

The Psalm 46 answer "stilled" Winton for the night. Father, still my heart also.

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her;
she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

The goal of growing with a newborn

As I read back over what I have written in my preparing to grow with a newborn series, I am a bit nervous. Words and intentions are easy. But it could still just end up as hollow rhetoric that sounded good in June but vanished in July.

Even now, I need to remind myself why. If I manage all that I hope for, but have no love, it is nothing. If all I do is keep my own sense of achievement alive, my preparations will be ill spent. If I keep the appearance of spiritual health, with a luke warm heart, I will be spat out.

The end goal of this preparation is not to make sure that I read my Bible and pray. That is never a goal in itself. The goal of me reading the Bible and praying is to show the greatness of God in all of life. God is seen to be great when I enjoy him and cling to him more tightly than anything else. He deserves my affection and attention all the time. The goal is to know and enjoy and be transformed by the God who has reconciled me to himself through Jesus.

In these words from Iain Murray's biography of Jonathan Edwards,

"Prayer is not a mystical reaching after the Unknown; it is response to the God who speaks in Scripture, the God who personally acts in the lives of his people. 'God is a communicating being,' Edwards writes. He saw that truth as lying behind the very meaning of creation; 'Creation is the disposition of God to communicate himself, to diffuse his own fullness.' Though fellowship with God has been lost for men in general through sin, it is renewed in Christians who receive 'the communications of his Spirit'. For [Christians] the highest joy is not to be found in reflection upon their salvation, it is rather in knowing and loving God himself... 'Man was undoubtedly made to glorify the Creator.' " (p.143)

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, work to make these coming months a time where I see you clearly and love you more deeply and am transformed to resemble Jesus a little more.

The mini series ends there. I hope the reality can happen soon!

Drinking deep while I wait

It feels a bit like each day is a set of contingency plans while we wait for our baby to get born. It is a hard time to focus mentally - so I have spent more time "preparing to grow with my newborn" than I have actually ingesting God's word for the present.

To fix that I am reading Psalm 46. It is next up for Psalm Sunday and it is wonderful. I am just reading it out loud over and again, in between other activities. As I do, my mind wanders into Revelation 22 and a few other places that pick up the imagery and themes of this psalm.

If you are having a week where you feel a bit lost in your Bible reading, maybe you want to join me in paddling in this Psalm.

A good place to start with Psalm 46 seems to be the contrast between chaos and stability. What do you think? Where does God fit in the chaos and calm?

Logistics of growing with a newborn

The funny thing about the newborn stage is that there isn't really a point at which one day ends and another begins. They are all strung together by the small, frequent activities necessary for serving a new and small person. This means deciding when to slot in Bible and prayer can be awkward. Even if we have the desire to do these things, the logistics can easily bring us unstuck.

I am trying a scheme is "multi pronged". This means that when newborn life doesn't go according to plan there should be something somewhere in my day that nourishes me in the gospel of Jesus. Of the following ideas, I don't expect all of them will happen every day, but something could realistically happen everyday.

• Choosing in advance (ie. now!) what I plan to read and listen to eliminates one step in the process. I can just sit down and do it without debating what I should be reading.
  

• Reading the Bible while I feed my baby. I expect it will be most useful to tie my Bible reading to a feed that won't be dropped in a hurry (the "first" feed of the day for me). I can plan to make this happen before the other kids are up. Eventually the rest of the routine can work around it (this would not work for all approaches to feeding and sleeping!).
  

• It sounds trivial, but I have bought a "Bookseat". It is like a mini bean bag that holds a book open and upright on any surface (couch, bed, table). This means I can read my Bible with my hands free for the baby. This is one practical thing that can make the whole process of reading the Bible with full hands easier. I have already found it really useful in recent months when cuddling sick children.

• Having my feeding/Bible/praying space permanently set up so that I can just sit down and get into it (rather than trying to find my Bible and notepad and juggle a hungry baby etc...). Have everything I need for baby and me handy. This will have easy access to my laptop as well, so I can listen to sermons without earplugs (it could be awkward to juggle a baby and cords, and it also feels a bit rude to my little person!).

• For middle of the night feeds, I have found that TV is bad and I am too tired to read. The feed seems too long if I am not distracted. I found with my first two babies that listening to a sermon (even across a couple of nights) can add something useful to focus on and nourish spiritually. It is passive but not wasteful. This middle of the night listening has become a tradition that I look forward to - I get a bit disappointed when the feeding becomes more efficient or baby starts sleeping through!

• In the first weeks, if I get to go out for a 15 min walk on my own (or maybe sit out in the sun while kids are preoccupied), I might take my mp3 player and listen to a Psalm on repeat, or the book of the Bible (Philippians) I am simmering in (from NIV audio Bible).

• Whether or not the baby is feeding at the time, I plan to use the "Playschool" half hour to pray. This can also be a back up Bible reading time if things didn't go well a few hours earlier! This is my current pattern if I don't do it before the kids are up for breakfast.

• Taking the opportunity to talk about what other people are learning from the Bible. It is encouraging to hear how others are growing. Praying with others, even if briefly.

• When other Christians are around to help out, asking if they mind me "disappearing" for 15 minutes to pray or read while they mind the children, if I have been finding it hard to make it happen any other way.

• A breastfeeding poncho. My sister in law is making me one. Her designs look really good and will allow me to feed my baby in church or Bible study without fear of distracting or embarrassing anyone. This might give me one more chance of hearing God's word in the company of God's people!

Generally, because persevering in loving and trusting Jesus is essential, I will need to become comfortable with leaving other things undone so I can make time for gospel nourishment. This will mean not filling up my diary with outings. It will mean going to bed and getting some sleep instead of finishing a blog post. It will mean planning meals ahead and doing some bulk cooking for the freezer to alleviate pressure on days that could otherwise become impossible. It means not panicking when it takes longer to get around to the vacuuming than I would like. There will be things that have to give and that is fine. It's all part of embracing the smallness!

Do you have any other practical suggestions?